Glasses

What’s a guy that is slowly going blind, or at least I feel I am, to do? My last attempt at being able to see was the purchase, on two different occasions, of real glasses following an exam by a Dr. I went to Wal-Mart for one pair and to JC Penny’s for the other. Both were bad as they didn’t really help that much. Before going to these stores I wore my glasses all of the time as I have trouble seeing things up close and things far away. They were so bad I couldn’t wear them except on special occasions, like when I wanted to see, because the prescriptions were bad. I’m a Carpenter so I need to see. I have noticed that I have been using my sense of touch much more. Three days ago I was officiating at a funeral in a local Funeral Home and found myself unable to read the scriptures I had chosen. When I rehearsed the readings I didn’t have much trouble but in the dimly lit funeral home, the pages turned to a blur. The 1st part of the service was from my own typewritten pages in 16pt type but the rest was from my Bible…..I looked up at my audience and they were wondering what the lull was for. At that moment the sun came out from behind the clouds, lighting up the entire room, and suddenly I could make out the tiny printing. [This was not a case of Divine Intervention] I used the pause as if I was creating a pregnant moment and boomed out the 1st line of the reading grabbing everyone’s attention and it worked out well. After the service, several people said to me “Wow you know how to get everyone’s attention”. Right then and there I decided to get glasses again, real glasses and not cheaters. I have cheaters but if I would have worn them I could have read all of the words easily but I would not have been able to recognize anyone in the audience. I could probably get by with those thin cheaters that you wear low on your nose and look over the top when I need to see things far away but I can’t stand looking over those glasses. I think I need real bifocals again.

My history with glasses hasn’t been very good. I bought my first pair of bifocals, quite a few years ago. When I got the glasses, they were no-line bifocals and I had to take them back because they were causing problems for me as I was walking steel beams 40’ off of the floor. They were swapped for bifocals with lines, which was much better. When ordering they suggested I get plastic lens as a safety feature. About 30 days later I brought them back all scratched up so they said “get glass lens in them, that won’t scratch”. “OK” I said.

I wore those glasses for a couple of years and was wearing my bifocals and driving my truck when I slammed into the rear end of a bus that was discharging a passenger. The back bumper of the bus had a scratch on it and I totaled my truck. My face hit the steering wheel, smashed my glasses and knocked me a little silly. I was really embarrassed about hitting the bus and just wanted everyone to go away so things could return to normal. As I waited for most of the city to respond to my accident, all but the DPW, one of my employees came upon my little situation and reached in and grabbed my radio. Marvin called the office and notified them of my accident. I was the project manager of an estate we were building for my boss up in the Berkshires. The 1st part of my trip up was on a nice straight road and that was where the accident occurred. The next part was up a very treacherous mountain road with drop offs of several hundred feet and few guard rails. This is where the office perceived I had wrecked. My boss understood the accident was on the mountain, the pickup was totaled, I was covered with blood and the firemen were probably using the jaws of life to extract me. He went directly to my house to get my wife, explain the situation to her and brought her to the emergency room. You can imagine her state of mind when she reached the hospital.

Well…….1st came the police cars, then an ambulance and then another ambulance and then two fire trucks. It seems that a bus accident elicits a special, automatic, response without waiting for a report from the first officer to arrive. They ripped the door off of my beautiful truck so they could get me out on a backboard all strapped in and with a neck collar. I was taken out sideways and noticed, as I went by; my coffee was still in the holder. I asked if someone could bring my coffee but they ignored me. As they carried me to the stretcher, I looked up and there were 2 Firemen, 2 EMT’s and 2 Police Officers hauling me away. Some of them I knew. It was at that moment I realized that they weren’t going away and things weren’t returning to normal. As they slide me into the ambulance I said “Bye Bye Truck”. By the time we got to the hospital I was a bloody mess as I had a bunch of facial cuts from the glasses and abrasions from banging on the steering wheel. My head hurt.

They cleaned me up, x-rayed me and said the only thing they could find wrong with me was a rather large gash over my eye that needed stitches and I was a bit silly. IT’S A MIRACLE! My wife announced that I was always a bit silly and went home. No she didn’t. A Policeman was waiting for me so he could have me sign the ticket for following to close, so obviously it was all my fault. My boss announced that “No emergency room hack was going to stitch up my face and immediately called up his friend that is the leading plastic surgeon in a couple of states. He came, they put me under, and sewed up my eye and associated cuts including a few on top of my head that needed a stitch or two. I am constantly running into things with my head so at anyone time I have small cuts in various stages of healing. When they released me, I asked for my glasses back and I was handed a manila envelope which contained about 100 pieces. The “Hack” told me that next time I should get plastic lens.

After the accident, I went to Wal-Mart, had my eyes examined and bought a pair of glasses. They looked OK but they really didn’t work very well and after a few years they were all scratched up so I threw them away. Next I went to JC Penny and had my eyes examined and bought another pair. They also looked nice and also didn’t work right so after a year or so I went back to Wal-Mart and had my eyes examined again and bought another pair. Now I had two working pair that kinda worked and I would switch back and fourth, then my daughter bought the Golden Doodle dog. At this point in my posting I went back to 2004 to reference you to the postings about Randy the Golden Doodle and how he ate these two working pair of glasses I had. The trouble was there were so many stories about “The Doodle” back then, I couldn’t decide what to pick so suffice it to be a photo of the ruined glasses. He chewed off the nose pieces and ear things so it hurts to wear them. Somehow he managed to scratch the lens bad but I still wear them but only at home. People would think I was whackey if they saw me wearing them. I have been going to go to the eye Drs. Since 2004???? Maybe I should go find a Lazer Eye surgeon and be done with it. That would be good for a couple of pages for the blog, I’m sure.