Dog gone it!

Dear ED,
Our dog, pictured below, is a Golden Doodle and has turned out to be a very large dog. He has two different running areas outside, complete with nice dog houses with foam pillows to lie on. At night he sleeps in the kitchen and he has taught us, in the few months he has resided here, to remove everything from the kitchen counters or else he will eat it. So far he has taken off the counters; my cell phone, my glasses, one or two purses, various newspapers and magazines, one loaf of rye bread and one double package of Thomas English Muffins. My cell phone he left alone, the glasses he broke the frames, the purses he perused for things to eat and the bread products he devoured. The old saying "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" we have certainly proven true because two nights ago he got a bag with 5 apples in it and a loaf of bread. You would think by now that we would have learned our lessons [tricks] and not left things on the counter. Don't you know that the apples weren't very good for him? Every morning I am up at 5 am, go to the Quick Stop to get a paper and coffee and then back home to watch the news, read the paper, drink my coffee, make breakfast and take my pills. This morning at 5 I noticed that the dog had diarrhea and had gone in 4 different places and walked in it. I took Randy outside to his run and got in my pickup to get my paper and coffee. I had several choices ahead of me. 1] Wake up my daughter and tell her what her dog had done in the kitchen and it was her responsibility to clean it up. 2] Wake up my wife and say "honey, you know I have a weak stomach and can't handle this". 3] Figure out how to clean it up myself. I chose #3 because I am 61 and know better. I have gotten away with 1 and 2 for a long time now and I just don't think they would fly. I got 2 plastic bags [one inside the other for leakage control], a roll of paper towels, and a dustpan. I scooped it up with the dustpan and the paper towel and deposited it in the plastic bags until all of the piles were gone and I then washed to floor with water and took everything outside to the dumpster. I found myself in the other room, leaning against the wall and gagging only once. I got out the "Swifer" and cleaned the floor again and finished up by lighting a candle to get rid of the odor. I put the dustpan away and washed my hands, project completed. For the benefit of any females out there reading this "yes, I washed the dustpan before I put it back". I wouldn't have included that last line but both my wife and daughter asked me that question. I am pretty darned proud of myself for handling this little emergency so professionally. After all, I am only 61!