Sunday, January 08, 2006

Getting old is funny, sometimes

My wife is in a local service organization that helps children and a lot of the members are in there 80’s and 90’s. John is one of the older members and her good friend. They converse almost daily on the phone. John and his wife both have considerable health issues but they persevere no matter how tough things get and the humor seems to keep them going. We ran into another member, who is older than John, at a local restaurant the other day and I inquired about his health when we at last got to sit down at our table and my wife said that it isn’t very good but at least he had stopped driving. I was in shock at the thought of her friend Tom driving a car at 90+ years old. I said, “why did he stop?” and she answered that “he kept passing out and his wife made him stop”. “In fact’ she continued ’he even passed out at the meetings a couple of times”. The last time he went up to the bartender and asked if someone could walk him out to his car and the bartender replied “sure, but we then drive you home”. A big argument ensued but the bar won because Tom couldn’t get to his car by himself. That was the end of the driving. My wife inquired of John if the story was true and John replied “Yes and the time before I walked him out to his car so he could drive home”. She was in shock and said “How can you do that, you’re almost blind, and what if he fell”? John said “ I would search for him with my feet, until I found him and then help him up.”

Don’t know when I started to get old because it just kind of sneaks up on you. You know you are old when:
  • The knees don’t bend as well as they use to.

  • Your hips hurt a little bit.

  • Tougher to get up off the floor or out of the chair. [Not very long ago I was able to get off the floor from a crossed leg position by leaning forward and up and letting my ankles and knees lift me up and now just thinking about that really hurts]

  • Don’t sleep as sound as you use to because you have to get up and go to the bathroom 3 times during the night.

  • You get serious about getting your flu shot.

  • Dentist just pulled another tooth.

  • Your on a first name basis with your Dr’s receptionists “Hi Ted, how is that old knee treating you?”

  • You went out with one blue sock and one black sock by saying to yourself “no one will notice anyway.“ The young do notice and say “look at that old man over there and I’ll bet you he doesn’t even see the difference.” Well I do see the difference but that brings up another point, as it is not about my eyes, it is about bending over to change my socks. Too much work.

  • You have been wearing glasses for years but the last time you were at K-Mart you picked up a couple of pairs of generic reading glasses, just in case, because you can’t read the comic strip in the bathroom anymore.

  • You have noticed how all of these ‘Young People” all drive too fast.

  • You can’t read the signs on the interstate, at night, until you are right on the exit.

  • You now say stupid things like “I don’t remember little things because they are not important to me but I still remember the important things [like what year did Red China get admitted to the UN]

  • You recently started carrying around a notebook and pen.

  • You are now rewarding inconsiderate drivers by “flipping them of” something you said you would never do. Your daughter yells “DAD”!

  • Building birdhouses is your new hobby.

  • Store clerks automatically give you the 10% discount [I know people that will refuse the discount because they don’t think of themselves as old]

  • You started saying the f-word out loud.

  • You have threatened to start carrying around a tape recorder to prove to your spouse that they only think that they told you about things like going to the Jones tonight for supper and cards.

  • You try and convince your spouse that the reason you went the way you did to get there, was because you like taking different routes once in a while.

  • You’re a card-carrying member of the AARP.
I’ll stop now because if you’re an older person you have your own list and don’t need to be reading mine. If you’re a young person reading this list and chuckling….”Just you wait”.

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