Friday, March 11, 2005

No guts - No glory

Things didn't go as well as I planned last night. I only lost 6 #'s, not 24 as I had hoped for. 6#/week is really going to drag this weight loss thing out a long time. I was hoping for better. My wife says that 24 is impossible. "Yeaaa, weeell, how about those people that have liposuction. Bet they loose more that 24#'s". "Doesn't sound so impossible now does it?" I told her "put that in your pipe and smoke it". Really told her, huh. The only enjoyable thing about this is that some of the girls get all upset about the weigh-in and start stripping to get something positive on the scale. One of the girls last night took her shoes off, then her warmup outfit and as she was standing on the scale, with only her underwear, sobbing until it showed she had lost .5 #'s. I in the meantime I was shouting and whistling, standing on my chair hollaring "take it off baby, take it all off!" My wife said I am an old fool a rebate or maby it was retrobate, when I told her about it because she was out of the room. She also said "In your dreams". She never believes me. Our speaker told us about things we could keep in our purse for emergencies. Last week I learned how I could buy this little clutch bag type thing that would fit into my purse so I could carry my calculator for points, a book on dining out and a book that tells me point values for common foods. No wonder I can't lift my wife's purse. I believe her personal best was a couple of years ago when she had 21$ worth of change in it. More than enough to buy snacks for the entire football team at half time. Her mother used to carry all of her bills, morgage papers, car loan etc. in her purse. Even pull out file folders sometimes. This has given me a great idea for some future blogging. This would carry forward with the theme of my last blog, "Rubbish". My wife refuses to read my blogs for some reason or other, refering to them as "Rubbish". She would never know but my daughter would probably rat me out. I already sense myself getting very deep here, in a real hurry. Perhaps over my head. Perhaps I am going where no man has ever tread before.......and lived. Hell I could do 3 or 4 postings just on the subject of lost keys. The time spent on that part of the subject would be infatisimile compared to the wait time I have suffered through as she searched for lost keys. Then when I am all done I could say [from my new apartment] "put that in your pipe and smoke it". Clever, huh?...............Naaaaa


Denise said...

I laughed so hard reading that. I had the best visual of women dropping everything they possibly could just to show an extra pound off on the scale.

I would give my left arm to attend a Weight Watchers meeting and watch you mingle.

dayna said...

Six pounds is awesome.

Was that guy their and did you find out why he's there?

dayna said...

You need a man purse.

Ted said...

No matter what terrible calamity befalls the earth, North America, my family or myself. Nor does it matter what trend in fashion should descent upon the world. Nor does it matter what personal calamity reaches me requiring me to wear something so outrageous in public even if my life should depend upon it. I will never, ever look at, touch or hold a man purse. Shame on you for suggesting that. I probably will never tell you what the skinny guy was doing at weight watchers now.

Ted said...

There really isn't much mingling that takes place, outside of standing on a chair and whistling now and then. Its tough to mingle with your coat over your head. I thought about going in drag and then no one would notice me. Having a tough time finding a dress big enough and my wife says that I would have to shave my legs and underarms so I guess that is out.