Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Purse toolboxes and much more!

Taking on The Purses is risky business, at best, but they are such easy targets because the users of these things keep giving you more and more ammunition. Keys and purses go together because you can always have a good story when the two get together. My wife reminds me, when I get to pointing out organizational problems as we stand in the rain waiting for the keys to appear, that “you have pockets and women don’t”. “That is only part of the problem” I respond. Granted pockets are a great thing as it allows me to carry my essentials: Keys; billfold or money clip; change; handkerchief [if necessary as the back of a sleeve works well also and doesn’t require use of a pocket]; pocket knife or clippers or both; comb [if hair is present]; box of breath mints; cell phone, maybe; pencil. Whereas with a woman the pocket requirements would be: keys; change; [and this is where the differences show up] package of Kleenex; Hair Brush; cell phone; address book; personal telephone directory; lots of money everywhere; enough change to keep as small restaurant in business; pens and pencils and notepads; makeup; lipstick [numerous colors]; large can of hair spray; teabags; scissors; fingernail file; super glue; nail polish; dozens of general credit cards [I carry one]; dozens of store credit cards [Penny’s, sears, Kohls, TJ Max, and I carry none of these]; inside the purse sub organizational items such as wallets, change purse, credit card organizers, cell phone holders [sans a cell phone] check book [without checks]; The list is endless. If even 1/3 of these items were carried in pockets there would be a bulge problem. Shirts with pockets, with things in them [such as a cell phone] just wouldn’t look right. Pants with wallet w/numerous credit cards in a rear pocket would certainly be unacceptable. It isn’t only the women that wouldn’t want it, neither would the men. Pockets are out for women.
We were at supper with friends, several years ago, at our favorite neighborhood tavern. Our friends had their daughter Lorie with them. At some point her Mom reported that she had a broken fingernail. It was rather nasty looking, as it was broken and tore. Lorie said, “I can take care of that”. She reached into her purse and out came a fingernail file, which she used to clean up the rough edges and remove nail polish. Next, out of the purse, came a teabag??? The bag was cut open and dumped and the bag was spread out. An appropriate sized piece was cut out with the scissors from the bag. This piece was glued to the nail, after a tube of “Super Glue” [???] was removed from the tool bag, and a generous amount was applied to the nail and tea bag. A lot of hand waving took place [told our waitress that we didn’t need her] and then the nail file was used to smooth everything back out. A tube of nail polish was the next item liberated from the tool apron[more hand waving and the wait staff was going nuts]. It was the wrong color but no problem as all nails would receive a fresh coat of paint before this rebuilding project was completed. Several coats were dried and filed to get the smoothest coat possible[wait staff all quit]. All of this was accomplished with hardly a break in conversation except by me saying dumb things like “why would anyone carry super glue and tea bags in their purse?” Duh!!! When the job was completed, there was absolutely no evidence that the nail had been ever broken. Testimony to the worth of a well stocked purse. For those of you that have not seen this trick before, you may want to clip this article and put it in your purse for future reference. Oh and don’t forget the tools in case you don’t carry them already. Next: dealing with an unruly, Canadian, blogger who thinks I need a mans purse!!!


Denise said...

That's absolutely amazing. I don't carry a purse, myself, though I do have one around here somewhere. I use my pockets. Then again, I don't carry nail repair equipment, credit cards, cell phones or anything like that. My drivers license, my zoo membership card, a pack of gum and my bank card, that's all I need!

I hear Dayna wants you to get yourself a man-purse.

Ted said...

Yes she does. I looked and looked and cannot find one on the internet. Whats a guy to do?